Folding Paper Wings

She flew too close to the sun  

While looking for a theme for this blog, I thought about my love of origami, discovered during the pandemic, and how healing it has been, often just making paper birds.

I thought about my love of origami, discovered during the pandemic, and how healing it has been, often just making paper birds.

As I try to discover and shape myself, Paper birds have been crucial.Test

I’ve also been thinking a lot recently of my lost dream of learning to fly, And how there were years — actual, literal years when I could’ve flown. I could’ve flown in that time post-cataract surgery. It’s easy to blame years of crippling grief, Oh but it’s also simply that I forgot to dream. I grounded myself.

That opportunity will not come again in this lifetime. A dream deferred is a dream lost.


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Wants vs. Needs

I've been thinking about the question “does that serve me?” Or, alternatively, “does this move me closer to my goals?”

You would ask me this, on the day of my daughter's wedding? Sorry, carry on.

What do I need? What do I want?

My image for my apartment is calm, cool, and gently lighted. No clutter, except for my craft area (gotta be realistic, lol.

I want to move my body without pain, and have it do what I want. My body serves me, not the other way around.

I just want peace, sunshine, and contentment.


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My brain, and my life, are full of clutter these days.

Trying to decide what’s worth saving or paying attention to is a lot. I’m drowning in clutter. I’m going to blog. I’m going to try to stick to blogging. I’ve gotten much better at saying what I want and need to say, thanks to Twitter and its limited number of characters. Sometimes it’s still all just gibberish and nonsense. I’m going to try to use this blog as a “just write, every day” project and see if I can remember how to write long-form again.


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Twenty-five years ago, before blogging began, I started following an email list called Nine Lives. Karawynn Long was blogging before blogging was cool, and she was painfully, gloriously real in a way that I didn’t know how to be. I was traumatized and believed my life was normal. I was deeply depressed, believing that to be normal too. I was queer, but even trying to say the words would leave me shaking and nonverbal.

Then along came Karawynn, who had words for many of the things I didn’t – and who once described depression in the most painfully accurate way I’ve ever seen, even now.

I don’t wish to bestow a goddess-like quality upon her – her life was messy, as it can be for so many of us, particularly in our twenties. She knew some different words than I did and it brought a little bit more light to the darkened room I called life.

The funniest things stick with you: Karawynn once toilet-trained her cat. Along with that toilet-trained cat, she drove from Seattle to New York and it was the first time I realized that that kind of bravery is possible.

Anytime, I want to buy from the mailing list, and then the message board that replaced the mailing list. anytime, I want to buy from the mailing list, and then the message board that replaced the mailing list

My life now is simultaneously the most stable it’s been, along, with somehow, being turned inside out and pulled apart, with its threads scattered everywhere, so I find it perfectly fitting that Karawynn has, once again create an email list called “nine lives.” —https://karawynn.substack.com

I don’t believe I had a deeper point to this other than “omgwtfbbq, Karawynn’s emailing again!”

Life is circular, and sometimes, with pimples out of it comes full circle, as well.


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Hello. World. I first typed those words 37 years ago an Atari 800 XL. it makes me feel very old to remember the world as it was when I was 11 compared to the world as it is now when I’m 48.

I haven’t the slightest idea what I’m doing, and they always say to exude confidence if you want people to believe in you, but the world is upside down, it’s been turned inside out, and it’s been picked apart. Anyone who says they know what they’re doing is lying to themselves or trying to sell you something. Probably.

I’ve kind of sort of missed blogging for a long time, but blogging isn’t what it was and social media has… Well, it’s social media.

I’m flailing in that soup of once again losing a community, and trying to decide what’s next, and what I need it to be. Mastodon is hopeful, and is probably exactly where I’ll stay, but everything is so exhausting and overwhelming.

I’m trying out this new platform – new to me, anyway — and the biggest appeal is that I can’t fiddle with it to death like I can WordPress, like I could with movable type, like I could blogger, or like I could with blogging platform whose names I’ve forgotten.

It’s just you and me and my words. I don’t know what I wanna say, if I have anything to say, but I miss putting words together and having it mean something.


I’m glad you’re here.

If you’d like to support my writing, Paypal Buy me a coffee

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